I Heard It Through The Grapevine

That’s it. The party’s over! Not that having five children in the house is like a party… aside from maybe the noise levels, the mess, and the fighting out of nowhere over the stupidest little thing.

I don’t usually talk about it. It hurts too much. It’s the topic that can break me in a split second.

But this year I’ve decided if I want to get back to writing, then, well… I kinda have to write. After a 4 year hiatus it’s about time I started talking again. I love it, I am good at it, and it’s great therapy.

My children left yesterday, to go back home for another year of school. I’m still crying. For reasons known to myself and loved ones, my children live at the other end of the country with their father.

It never gets any easier.

Every time we say goodbye it takes me at least 24 hours to pull myself together enough to even speak to someone. If you’re not a close relative, forget about it. I shut down and go through what can only be described as a mourning process. I try to limit my ‘feeling sorry for myself’ time to 24 hours because even though the children aren’t with me, parenting doesn’t stop. They need me to be strong and able. To plan and provide. So I make sure to not stay in that head space. I used to have to get myself back in the right mindset to run things at work, now I’ve got a little one and a partner that need me to get my shit together so our lives can run smoothly.

People say strange things to me when they find out how my family works. Some have said “I could never do that.”

It’s a hurtful phrase you know? Like I WANT to do this? Why would I want to do this? Take a moment before you speak and think about how much you love your child and would do anything for them.

Re-read that last sentence.

Think about it.

You don’t know what leads people to the choices they make.

Just stop talking.

That is all.

 

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